Left on the Shore

On Sundays I would hurry home after church and change into my swimming suit. I couldn’t wait to submerge myself in the cool water of Pungo Creek. I was grateful to my Aunt Sarah for her strict rules about working on Sunday. Sunday was also Uncle Benjamin’s day to take his boat out. Mama refused to let me go along. No amount of pleading could change her mind.

“Your opinion don’t matter more than a hill of beans, young lady. My mind is made up.”

I’d watched as the boat pulled out of Uncle Benjamin’s boathouse. Ivy and I called it a “yacht”. The Sojourn wasn’t a yacht at all. It was a 31’ inboard with a single screw. It didn’t even have a head. But to me, it was a yacht and that yacht was heading out for a day of fishing and swimming on the Pamlico River. I wasn’t going because Mama was always mad at her brother about something and she wasn’t going to have a daughter of hers on that boat of his.

I didn’t mind as much as Ivy did. I was content just floating in the creek. Out in the creek I could be all by myself. Nobody yelled at me or tried to touch me. I could just drift, look up at the blue sky and forget. For a few minutes I forgot my mama’s cruelty. I forgot the way the girls at school made fun of my clothes. I forgot how much I missed Daddy and how lonely I was. I forgot Jess’s fingers crawling up my calf, along my thigh and into my underpants.

Was I the same person that had all her sins washed away in Pungo Creek? That seemed like such a long time ago. The congregation of Sidney Freewill Baptist Church had gathered on our back porch and in our back yard. The choir, dressed in their long white robes, stood by the shore. The plinking sound of our ancient piano drifted through the open back door. A whole line of us stood waiting to be baptized. The men and boys wore white cotton shirts and long pants and the women and girls wore light cotton dresses. No one wore shoes.

On cue, we took each other’s hands and, led my Reverend Linton, we moved into the water. The choir sang “Shall We Gather at the River”, accompanied by the distant sound of our piano. My dress floated up around my waist. When it came time to be dunked, I didn’t know whether to hold my nose or my skirt. “I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. AHHHHHH…. MEN”. Reverend Linton dunked me under on the AHHHHHH and brought us up on the MEN. The AHHHHHH seemed to last a long time. When we had all been properly purified, Reverend Linton led us back to the shore. I remembered how I stood on the edge of the creek shivering from excitement and the cold, my dress clinging to my legs.